Daughter Syndrome

     A woman today may play a wide variety of roles during her lifetime. For example, while she may begin life as a daughter, she also may find herself cast as an aunt, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a friend, a mother, a grandmother or even a great-grandmother. And, more often than not, a woman will be cast as the primary nurturer and caregiver in most of her intra-family roles. It is within the context of such intra-family relationships that a woman may experience the Daughter Syndrome.

The Experience

     Commonly, the Daughter Syndrome begins when a woman helps rear her siblings and then, perhaps, her own children to adulthood. Thereafter, as her parents and in-laws age, she may find herself cast in the role of chauffeur, shuttling them between medical appointments. Not long after that, she may find herself cast in the role of negotiator as she helps coordinate their long-term care requirements. Eventually, the dutiful daughter will similarly care for her husband until his death … and she is left as the last leaf of her generation on the family tree. Question: Who will be the nurturer and caregiver for this loyal and dutiful daughter?

Three Steps

     The first step in surviving the Daughter Syndrome is to recognize when you are in it and to accept that you are not Superwoman. Do not try to do everything yourself. Look for assistance within your family; through your church, synagogue, or local support groups; and from the appropriate governmental agencies (e.g., meals-on-wheels programs and etc.).
     The second step is to have a plan of action. Do you have your own legal estate and financial planning in order? If you do, then it is much easier to get your loved ones to do the same. In turn, this will make it easier for you to help them without probate court interference or undue financial hardship.
     The third step is to actually implement and maintain your own plan of action. It has been said that talk is cheap. Here you must walk your talk. Your estate planning attorney can help assemble a team of professional advisors, and serve as their quarterback, to make the process less painful for you and your loved ones.

The Bottom Line

     If you follow the three steps outlined above you will be better prepared to survive the Daughter Syndrome. And, even if you are the last leaf on the tree, you will have your own legal and financial affairs in order. And that is critical, too, these days.
     Today’s daughters (and daughters-in-law) often live time zones away, with busy families and careers of their own. Accordingly, you should seriously consider purchasing a state-of-the-art Long-Term Care Insurance policy to make sure there will be a caregiver available when you need one. Many policies today cover private in-home care, as well as skilled nursing home care. Do not delay, as your good health will determine your insurability.